Journal of the Plague Year Issue 11
Yes, dear reader, you haven’t seen Issue 10, because I was so pissed off the other day I couldn’t bring myself to finish it, as it was pure fulminate of mercury, and it needed a positive side. I think I’ve found a more thoughtful way of addressing the problem addressed, but it can wait until tomorrow.
For today, it’s time for another revelation, and not that of St John the Divine.
It’s now become obvious that we were completely deceived by the forces of darkness. COVID-19 is neither an accidental release from a Chinese germ warfare factory, as it turns out that the French had some stake in the venture and so any product would have at least been attractively packaged. It wasn’t the wet market—that’s too obvious. British intelligence is off the hook, as Boris is recovering, although there is still a chance that Remain may be involved in spreading it to the UK.
No! It came to me in a moment of inspiration, late in the day, as the tide went slowly out in a very nice Tempranillo. The images of TV were just the beginning of a long research program, but the results are in and the are conclusive.
Under the guise of protecting the constitutional rights of innocent victims, the US Department of Education has embarked on a nefarious scheme in an attempt to reverse decades of educational neglect and intellectual decline in key states in the Union. Using willing surrogates like Democrat governors and Department of Health officials, and employing materials supplied by the Center for Disease Control, education bureaucrats have incited riots in locked-down states that supported Trump in 2016.
Their objective is as simple as it is effective. By encouraging Trump voters to break social isolation and congregate, the hope is to increase the death rate in sections of the US population that have, historically, lowered the national IQ significantly. The last 72 hours have seen a potential increase in the educational age of middle America of at least one academic year—incredibly, Michigan Trump supporters now have the intellectual gifts of a 3rd grader and are equipped to reconsider their lemming-like adherence to the Great Leader. The virus has eliminated all those who were stupid enough to ignore the science, and as a secondary side effect, may remove many anti-vaxxers permanently from circulation.
A few difficulties remain, apart from disposing of the bodies. Sources deep in the Department have acknowledged that attempts to promote kissing as a form of protest failed, thus limiting some potential threats from the virus. Concerns have been raised about the obvious differences in hygiene between members of the far right and the average voter, just in case the media noticed; but most reporters don’t seem to be able to get the better of Trump, so they aren’t that smart.
The greatest obstacle to success for the program has been the failure to convince the Donald that he is needed on the front line; that being with his people is more important than mock campaign rallies masquerading as briefings. The potential is obvious: quite apart from reversing the foreign policy debacle that has been in place since his inauguration, and reducing the rate of personality disorder in the White House, a strategic infection would increase America’s IQ at a rate that Lewis Terman and his Termites would have considered impossible.
You can believe it.
